SO...where did it start? With me. These bad habits that I had formed over the last several years became a very real part of my every day interactions that without focused daily prayer on a genuine change of heart I knew I couldn't be successful. My prayer every morning on my way to work was that I would be put into situations with Tyler where it was very obvious how he needed me to respond and then to actually respond that way. Almost like an extra dose of clarity and foresight and I'm telling you it worked. When I first started doing this I didn't tell Tyler because I wanted what I was doing and changing to be something he noticed on his own not because I told him I was trying (stubborn for the win). Here's a little side note for those women who are spicy and very independent (not that I'm speaking from experience), it's important to me that you know I didn't become a doormat. I still maintained my core beliefs in areas that were inherently important to me and I still spoke up and shared opinions when I felt it was necessary instead of 100% of the time. I'll give you an example, we were going to bed on New Years day and he shared with me his goals of 2015...and there are a few on the list that are very lofty (in my opinion with the year we have coming up). Old Kari would have pointed out the many reasons why I think HE should rethink HIS goals for HIMSELF maybe even go as far as letting him know all the times he has started things like this and never finished. To say I was a real peach would be an understatement. Instead this time (not being a doormat because they're his plans not mine), I simply listened completely silent and resigned in my heart that I would pray for success in these goals for this coming year. The End. Was that hard for me to do? Ummm yes. Did he say thank you to me for not saying anything? No. Should he have? NO! I don't expect to be thanked for not being a brat. As the month of December went on and I employed these changes within myself and asked nothing of Tyler I began to notice an ease return to our relationship. A mutual give and take had made it's way back. I asked for his opinion more, including him in more decision making that initially I didn't think he wanted to be a part of. We said thank you to each other more, worked better as a team to tackle the day to day of both working full time and having a family and enjoyed each others company again. Shortly after the new year and right before we headed back to work after an insanely amazing break I let the cat out of the bag. I told him I wanted to be better for him and for us and lest you think he didn't accept responsibility for a great many things he did in fact apologize and was excited to move forward as well.
You guys, the real truth is if you want to see change you must be the change and I realize that I'm married to one of the kindest most genuine people on planet earth but everyone is capable of affecting their own change and once that started in me all of the pieces of kindness and respect fell gently back together. Don't sit and wait for the other to figure their crap out because chances are they're waiting for you to figure yours out too. Marriage is never made up of flawless people, let it start with you and it's a little surreal the ease with which that mutual respect returns.
In Amy's blog post she says..