Sunday, November 16, 2014

In which my oldest brings me to my knees...

Ya'll, this process is hard.  No matter how you slice it in adoption land every avenue of bringing a child into your home is met with its fair share of challenges, road blocks, victories and disappointments.  There are moments where you feel as though it may never end...that they'll never actually BE here, in your home, in their beds safe and sound.  This has been my struggle these last couple of weeks.
My oldest son, whom I have yet to meet, is struggling badly in his current (and 5th) foster placement.  During our last conference call with "the team" it was brought to our attention that he is ONE of SIX other foster children in the home and also his foster mom speaks of his bad behaviors directly in front him while his head hangs low in confused disappointment in himself.  I'm sure he wonders why he does these things, why he can't have normal feelings like other seven year olds but instead is faced with grown up emotions like distrust, hurt, fear, anxiety and sadness.  Why is it that no one has committed to love him and care for him through this horrible time in his life?  Why don't adults say what they mean and mean what they say?  In his short seven years this boy of mine has experienced more loss and heartache then most adults can handle in a lifetime and quite simply....I can't wait to get my mitts on him.  I'm sure there will be some rejection, I'm quite certain that his "behaviors" will increase and that I'll be tearful almost every day over tending to this broken little heart but for us, for HIM it's worth it.  I had this fleeting thought the other day that brought me to my knees in prayer for him...when was the last time someone hugged him?  Like a good solid lingering hug where fears are melted and protection is felt.  I prayed immediately for his protection and for God to begin mending his terribly broken heart and more importantly that the love of His Savior will be a concept He will run full speed into.

To my dear oldest boy,
I love you already.  No matter what.  We're in this for the long haul.  Hurry home, we're waiting for you.


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