Tuesday, November 18, 2014

In which I get how big all of this is, no really I do...

You have to have some pretty thick skin to pull this whole adoption thing off.  Here's why, because no one asks you the same types of questions when there's a big ole baby bump showing that they do when they hear, or see or know that you're adopting.  No one asks the pregnant woman what she plans on doing if her little baby in utero has wicked tantrums and mental illness when he/she is older.  No one asks her if she's scared of the damage she'll have to tend to if for whatever reason someone harms her baby with words or actions.  No one asks why she chose to be pregnant instead of adopt, I mean there are so many children who need good homes why on earth would you choose to build your family this way when it's possible for you to have your own bio kids?  No one asks how much your hospital bill was or gives you a pat on the back and says "you're doing a really great thing having sex and growing that baby in your belly...they'll thank you when their older."
It's fair to bring this up not because I want people to feel badly for those of us who CHOOSE this as their family building path but rather raise awareness for the support that people in situations of adoption need when they may very well be doubting this choice themselves.
Since we've been open about our current plan to bring four sibling into our home and adopt them we have been met with a few different types of people but the one that really really intrigues are the ones who question if we're prepared for the difficulty.  To you I say, no.  I'm not prepared for imaginary difficulty right now.  I'm not prepared for imaginary chaos.  Who can honestly say they're prepared for every last scenario when it comes to parenting a child let alone FIVE, four of whom have been deeply wounded and have suffered great loss?  No one.  Not a single person can answer that differently than I just did.  You want to know the truth?  I get it.  I really really get it.  I understand what this may mean for us.  I understand that it may mean years of never going anywhere because there are too many triggers when it comes time to leave the house, I do know that they may not call me mom for a long time or even say I love you, I know they might not hug me back, I am aware that Emery will suffer a bit in the beginning as we transition into this new life.  All of these things I know, we know and it just doesn't change a single thing because SOMEBODY has to care for them right?  In some capacity that's what we're called to do.  Somebody has to be ok with not being loved back as a result of them not being loved properly in the first place.  Somebody has to be ok with getting multiple phone calls from school because the only kind of attention they ever got as toddlers was negative attention.  We're ready and willing for these next several years, we've thought about it, prayed about it and the only thing we wish would be different would be that their first mother would have experienced what she should have as a little girl and learned how to be a mother to her own children.
We get it.  It's going to change us, it's going to change relationships.  Again, we know this has always been where God wants us.


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