Monday, July 7, 2014

In which I explain the silence...and my little sparrows.

I struggle most days with what to share and what not to share in regards to our adoption process.  Most All of the time it has to do with damage control.  I'm generally pretty private when it comes to emotions or attachment to ideas or processes because well, that's the way I roll.  Is it the best way to deal with things?  Not always.  Five years ago I started this blog as a way for me to vent and shed light on this process as a whole.  I didn't have much to offer in the beginning, I mainly spoke to the initial process of choosing agencies blah blah blah then quickly moved on to other things like when a birth mom changes her mind after you've held your almost baby or that sometimes I just never feel like I'm doing enough for the cause of orphans while I sit in my air conditioned living room in my sleepy little college town.
Writing for me has always been very therapeutic, I don't know that I excel at it but I do know that I need it to unleash what's all bound up in my brain.
The way my brain works is, the more people know about a particular situation the more questions I am asked that I might not be prepared to answer.  The more people know about a particular situation the more people I have to tell how I'm really feeling IF it doesn't work out...which brings me to the silence on the blog for the last two months.  A few weeks into April I was directed to a website that included state photo listings for children who are ready to be adopted out of foster care.  Talk about a thunder punch to the face!  Can you imagine what that must be like for those children?  In order to be on this photo listing these kids would have to be legally free for adoption which means they've been in foster care for at LEAST a year and I would bet a million bucks much much longer than that.  As I was perusing this strange avenue of "family building", I saw them.  All four like little brown ducks in a row (ages 7,5,4 & 2), all their names begin with "J" and all of their skin matches Emery's perfectly.  Tyler and I have always been a little cray when it comes to all or nothing scenarios and have mentioned several times that we would love to adopt a sibling group AT SOME POINT, however we really imagined it being later in life when our other children were older or even out of the house.  So I did what any self respecting "all or nothing" girl does and sent our home study to the social worker.  Act now.  Ask questions later.  Which happens to be the polar opposite of my beloved.  Immediately I rallied the troops and began asking for specific prayer in regards to the safety of these children and whether or not God would have them become a part of our family and just last week found out that we have been chosen for a final interview with the social workers etc of these children.  We are not the only family in this final interview process however we do not know how many others there are.  Guys, lest you think we've completely lost our minds we have had many sleepless nights and a great many discussions on how this will change the dynamic of our family should these children be chosen for us.  We have consulted close friends and sought our Father in prayer during these last several weeks and both of us feel as though the door has not specifically been closed as of yet.  For whatever reason this is a new part of our journey and even though the thought of the potential "no" makes me want to dive head first into a bag of Doritos I must know.  I do know.  That He places the lonely in families and whether or not that family is our family this time He knows what's best for these fantastic four and "Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it" (Matt 10:29).
So if you're like me and want to see a list of specifics to pray for here it is:
1.  That the interview would go smoothly and we'll feel good about the way we are presenting ourselves and our potential as parents to five children.
2.  That these children would remain safe and cared for in their respective foster homes.
3.  That God would begin preparing their new family for all of the changes and behaviors associated with said changes in order to prepare them for a lifetime with the same parents.
4.  Specifically for the oldest boy who has some lingering emotional issues due to his past living environment.
5.  For their foster parents (three sets to be exact, brothers live separate and the sisters live together) as they begin to wrap up life with these four and hope for true success with their new family.

Here is what I know about them.  Two boys, two girls who have successfully stolen my heart and my brain space for the better part of eight weeks.  Four kids who have garnered a nickname (The Fantastic Four) amongst close friends and family.  Sisters and brothers who have experienced more in their little lives than I ever care to know is humanly possible.  Little sparrows who's Father has a watchful eye on their path and is carefully handpicking for them a new home and a new start.

Sometimes damage control is overrated.  At least for me.  Tonight it was.

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