Thursday, February 27, 2014

In which we ask people to help fund our adoption...

I started three, count them three, different blog posts before this one because I just wasn't feelin' it.  They seemed too mechanical for me at the time because honestly, it's not where my heart and my mind is at right now.  Back in late December when God literally laid this plan out for us and spoke very clearly to us regarding this process both of us thought to ourselves...oh great, how on earth will we pay for this adoption.  The mere thought of fundraising, campaigning, support letters, and grant applications almost made me puke.  Why?  Because do you have any idea what it's like to ask people to help finance your adoption?  Unless you've done it before you just don't know what it's like.  It sucks.  Because of this reason my eyes and ears are very much in tune to reactions, facial expressions, underhanded comments or questions and my insecurities are raging at this point.  I don't expect everyone to understand why we choose this process for building our family.  I don't expect people to give towards our process but I always go into things like this with the expectation that people will be kind which is a lofty goal and maybe, ahem definitely, naive.
It's hard ya'll.  It's really really hard, and I'm not boo hooing about all of this for you to feel bad for me.  This blog is intended to be a very raw, very accurate portrayal of all different facets of this process, this one in particular is the one that stings the most.  But this is what I know, God funds what He favors.  And He chose this for us and the first time we did this with Emery he provided not more, not less but literally the EXACT amount we needed to pay her fees.  So even though the number we need to raise is high, I don't know that it will actually be "our" number.  It could be less.

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