Thursday, February 27, 2014

In which we ask people to help fund our adoption...

I started three, count them three, different blog posts before this one because I just wasn't feelin' it.  They seemed too mechanical for me at the time because honestly, it's not where my heart and my mind is at right now.  Back in late December when God literally laid this plan out for us and spoke very clearly to us regarding this process both of us thought to ourselves...oh great, how on earth will we pay for this adoption.  The mere thought of fundraising, campaigning, support letters, and grant applications almost made me puke.  Why?  Because do you have any idea what it's like to ask people to help finance your adoption?  Unless you've done it before you just don't know what it's like.  It sucks.  Because of this reason my eyes and ears are very much in tune to reactions, facial expressions, underhanded comments or questions and my insecurities are raging at this point.  I don't expect everyone to understand why we choose this process for building our family.  I don't expect people to give towards our process but I always go into things like this with the expectation that people will be kind which is a lofty goal and maybe, ahem definitely, naive.
It's hard ya'll.  It's really really hard, and I'm not boo hooing about all of this for you to feel bad for me.  This blog is intended to be a very raw, very accurate portrayal of all different facets of this process, this one in particular is the one that stings the most.  But this is what I know, God funds what He favors.  And He chose this for us and the first time we did this with Emery he provided not more, not less but literally the EXACT amount we needed to pay her fees.  So even though the number we need to raise is high, I don't know that it will actually be "our" number.  It could be less.

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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

In which we begin this crazy ride all over again...

In a six weeks we have had two birth moms discuss placing their children for adoption with us. Both have fallen through for varying very private and sometimes sad reasons but what's important here is...we aren't with an agency. We aren't "looking". Our home study is old. Sometimes we like having one kid.  Sometimes. It's no secret how much I love this process, if you know me well you know that it's quite possibly the thing I love to talk about the most. The process that I identify with, the end result that I crave and the stories that break me. There are times when it's painful, like for us right now but you know what? The times when those children who aren't biologically yours tell you they missed you today and that they love you most and best and you're their favorite that far outweigh the pain and agony of getting to that point. For us, we don't know what these last two experiences have meant. We haven't identified yet what our role was in either of those women's lives but I can say we were there. Wherever that was supposed to be and the wild ride of which we didn't ask to be on continues to who knows where next.... 

I wrote the previous blog post a good nine weeks ago and decided for whatever reason not to post it. This blog has always been something very special to me. I probably have no less than 10 unpublished posts for varying reasons. You see if I've had a big day with lots of big thoughts especially those related to adoption I come running home to this here blog and spill my guts. It has always been incredibly cathartic for me, writing that is, and I'm happy to feel the release of stresses and thoughts with just typing from my brain onto a computer screen. So we're doing it for real again!  After those last couple of adventures it became increasingly clear that we aren't finished building our family through adoption. In fact God has made it wildly obvious in a sort of funny way. Back in August we had chatted about the future of our family, whether or not to continue building it, whether or not we were done and in the end we decided we were "good for now". It sounded good, sort of a way to stave off others curiosity and questioning when it comes to how old Emery is and it "being about time" to have another baby. Well that lasted approximately two months before these offers came rolling in. Oh my dear Heavenly Father, I like when you operate this way. It speaks to me on so many levels...humor being the one I relate to the most. So buckle up old faithful readers (and welcome to some new ones!) that I'm not even certain read this blog anymore. We're beginning this process and will need your prayerful support because the truth is, it's expensive and we are stepping out in faith that this "thing" God has so clearly called us as a family to do will be fully funded by our own efforts in saving as well as a large amount of fundraising. In the next couple of posts I'll explain why God chose adoption for our family and a little bit more detail of the actual process. To answer one very large question, we are adopting domestically (aka here in the states) and more than likely an african american infant. This process changes frequently and Tyler and I are under no assumptions that it could switch paths frequently! As my good pal Jen Hatmaker, whom I've never met and doesn't know I exist once said..."If God has seeded us with vision, then we are able in Christ." Giddyup.

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