Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Starving for the Basics Pt. 2...

I realize the "basics" is a pretty relative concept. Tyler and I are sorta weird so I think our "basics" aren't what most people would refer to as "normal". We move a lot and we appear to do things at the last minute. We like the idea of a lot of kids from all different parts of the world making up what we know as our "basic" family. I'm starving for adoption again. Literally famished. This last year it wasn't an option given our current living situation but my friends that has changed in this last month. God has blessed us with this larger home with a lot of room for growth, and I can imagine our family filling it to the brim. I'm starving for the paperwork, the rejection, the wins, the wait, the first photo or email with our prospective child, THE phone call, the belief that there is a child(ren) out there who belong to us that we haven't even met yet. The adventure of the unknown, perhaps a new country and new friends along the way who shared in that experience with us. I'm excited to see us parent more than one child and I'm unbelievably thrilled at the thought of seeing Tyler pour more of himself into making our family great. The sounds of chaos, the mess. None of it frightens me. When it all comes down to it that's what matters. For us TZ's.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Clean up on aisle emotional breakdown...

I had a breakdown tonight. The kind of breakdown that leaves Tyler wondering, "What in the name of Sam Hill?!". My girl is getting so big...like scary big. The kind of big where I just miss her baby-ness. I miss the chub, the drool, the baby noises and it's not that I'm even just in love with the "baby" stage because if I'm being honest that's not my favorite stage. It's just that it means time is moving fast, and I hate it. I'm at the point in her life where I can actually look back on a significant amount of time and recall what life was like with her as a very different child. She's two now. She's so much more interactive and fun. I love it. I hate it. I am so lucky right now to be able to spend every day with her and I know that soon enough I'll have a job again and those days will be a distant memory so I'm literally trying to cherish each moment. Some days more than others. Ahhhh this nasty time marching on, changes things and sometimes and somedays I just plain don't like it.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

The need to feed, and a birthday...

For me personally there aren't too many things more fantastic than feeding people yummy food...that I made with my own two hands. I just love it. I literally spent four hours on my feet cooking in the kitchen today and not one time did I think to myself..."gee this sucks". First I should say that I'm not one those cooks who can dream up anything and make it into something fantastic. I'm strictly by the recipe kind of gal. Most of the time. And nothing too crazy because I have a cave man for a husband who barely eats anything green, freshly steamed, had a shell at one time or contains some sort of vinegar. That's not all, I'm being nice. There's something about getting all the ingredients to agree with each other and become one big happy family at the end playing nicely on the plate or bowl. It's pretty cathartic for me actually as is this blog or maybe running for some people. I pop on some tunes and begin the process of which I enjoy every last part. I guess it's the chance to really be alone with my own thoughts, make my brain work a different way than normal, problem solve and anticipate. But my need to feed really is fulfilled when I make a lot of food that people love and then send them home with leftovers. Tis my favorite. I can still remember one of the first things I learned to cook by myself, scrambled eggs. My mama taught me and I think it's awesome that I can still remember it. It wasn't any dreamy magical mother daughter moment but it was time out of her day with a million kids to focus on just me. Even if just for a few minutes. I hope to be able to make those kind of intentional moments with Emery as times she can remember. Right now this time I have with her, just us isn't going to last forever. Or at least I hope we are blessed with more children. I cooked for people I love tonight. People who prayed for my girl before she became my girl. People who financially supported my girl before she became my girl. They all came together to celebrate her turning two. My baby turned two last week. I am verklempt. I was so emotional that whole day and I kept thinking to myself, "PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! She doesn't want to remember you crying on every single birthday she has!". She is turning into to such a little lady these days. Forming complete sentences and asking questions too, I simply can't get enough. She's my little sidekick and one of my dearest little friends. She does the cutest thing ever. She'll walk up to me standing or sitting doesn't matter and she'll grab my leg and hold on to me saying..."Awwwwww mama". That's it, and I love it. She's so smart! She can count to ten (occasionally she'll skip six), she'll say things like "where's daddy?", "I got it", "I go potty", "I don't want to". She's so sweet to our puppies and they both are very tolerant allowing her to climb on them and also shout "NO!" if they are in her face. I have no idea where she learned that. She copies basically everything I say which I've discovered is sometimes hilarious and also a swift kick in the pants. I just can't imagine not having her in my life. She has made me dig deep in myself to discover a very self absorbed person in need of a rescue. She has shown me humor and kindness and has made me want to be a better mama for her. This little love of mine can't be moved. She's here to stay and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't I tell her I love her, that I need her, and that I'm thankful for her. Tonight I watched people eat my food, love on my girl and leave my home with fully bellies and some leftovers.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Here is what I know...

I know that we were meant to endure this last year for a reason. I know that some of those reasons are evident and some have yet to make their way to the surface. I know that it flew by. I know that it sucked sometimes. I know that I missed my family, my friends and my job. I know that God seriously kicked me in the butt with some pride and materialsim issues. But you want to know what I know most? I know that I have, hands down, the most amazing mother in law and father in law. They offered up their home, their privacy and some of their finances to provide us with a temporary home for the last year. I remember a couple of months in to our new living situation I kept thinking to myself...this is going really well! We maintained open communication with them and seriously all worked together as a team. Alternating cooking and dishes with normal household chores, it just plain worked! The great thing about Jim and Terri is that they ALWAYS, and I seriously mean ALWAYS show up. Whether it's to help fix a clogged drain, plan a party, help move...they simply always free themselves up to make sure they are being utilized. The friends in their life are lucky to have them, and I know that Tyler, myself and Emery in this last year were extremely lucky to have them. Oh sure there were times where we were over it and probably many times where Terri was annoyed with our clutter but we made due and didn't kill each other...I call that a WIN! If I'm being quite truthful, I'll miss them. I'll miss cooking fun dinners for Jim and I while the picky eaters were gone for the night, hearing him in the other room get his coffee ready for the morning and my intense dislike for Bill O'Reilly. I'll miss the weird things like being able to leave them little notes in the morning with treats I made for them the night before or watching M*A*S*H reruns and also mine and Terri's chats about home decorating and deserts. I'll miss them being able to say goodnight to Emery every evening and watching her grow up. You should have a Jim and Terri in your life, I'm lucky to have mine.