Thursday, March 15, 2012
Today...she is bigger.
Man. I knew people were telling the truth when they said "enjoy her when she's little because time flies!". I really did actually believe them and in my belief I was hoping for a reprieve of some kind. Some stoppage time, anything at this point to make time slow just a little bit so I can remember and appreciate all of these moments that will soon be overshadowed by new moments. Remember her chubby face and arms that have now been replaced with long and lean. Every night before I go to bed I always cover her up and every night before I go to bed I think to myself....I remember when she looked so tiny in this thing. She takes up about 3/4 of it now. She used to sleep on her belly with her bum in the air...for some weird reason I'm so emotional about this lately. Tears are flowing as I write this too late at night because it simply had to be written. Seize the moment I suppose or perhaps it's because of the year we just endured or maybe I'm just chemically imbalanced and therefore weepy. If I'm being totally honest with myself and subsequently you, I miss my baby. I miss my little squishy gummy smiling baby girl. Her personality is so strong maybe that's why I'm feeling the growing pains so much harder than I ever imagined I would. Nevertheless I'm feelin' it. I'm feeling the pain of time marching on whether I want it to or not. Motherhood is weird like that. You want to see growth and change and independence but at the same time you long for the simplicity and innocence of just "being". I need to appreciate her more. Her humor, her laugh and smile, how freaking adorable she is, how much she loves her daddy and how much she loves me. Some people probably think I'm weird when I say that I forget she hasn't always been ours, but on the other hand literally not a day goes by where I don't remember she wasn't born FROM me. She's so much of Tyler and myself which is so very cool and so extremely bizarre. Made for us not from us.