Friday, November 4, 2011

Focusing on the positive...

It's no mystery that we're in an interesting place right now as a family. Tyler is going on eight months of being unemployed (full time), and I can't believe sometimes how fast it goes and other times how slow it goes. For him I know it's slow. For him I know that it's pure anguish. For us, the both of us, I know that it's a lesson in patience. A big one. Both of us equally have control issues, they just manifest themselves in different ways. Mine is wanting control over immediate situations and outcomes so I know that I'll get the most out of it and won't be disappointed. So selfish, this I know and trust me it's a deficit that I know needs to be altered. Tyler's is control over timing. He imagines scenarios and their outcomes based on when HE thinks things should work out. These last eight months have rocked our freaking world. We have been shown things about our character, our finances, spiritual relationship with Christ, parenting techniques, our health etc. and I know that years down the road this whole thing will make sense. This whole thing will be a true life change and one that we're truly able to see from start to finish as making complete sense. It did with Emery's amazing story and I know that it will with ours. Over the last couple weeks things have been pretty intense, bills are getting paid later, money is getting stretched tighter and tighter, job opportunities are fewer and farther between. But there's this one job opportunity that's interesting, and a possibility. An interview has already taken place and now we wait to see what the part may be and prayers would be appreciated. I've learned a lot about myself and I'm seeing clearly what God wants to teach us through this. We have no control. He always knows best for our current situation and we need to trust Him. During this time I've really honestly tried to focus on the good things, the things I'm thankful for and while that sounds totally "Pollyanna" it really helps keep me in check with a little thing I like to call, gratitude. I'm grateful for God allowing the three of us to stay healthy. We haven't had health insurance in several months and we have had NO major illnesses that require a doctors visit. We've been able to spend some quality time with Emery, which is very refreshing given the fact we only had a few weeks off of work when we first brought her home. As it turns out, she's a very addicting person to be around and I miss my time with her since I've gone back to work. Tonight I pointed out to Tyler that more than likely none of our other future children will have that much time with him...what a special gift to her. We have detoxed from "whim" purchases for sure, and learned to appreciate what we have already instead of wanting the next and greatest. And through that we've also learned how "stuff" can overwhelm you and change you. We've had more thought provoking relationship conversations as well, and have learned a lot about each other even after nine and a half years of marriage. We have food, clothes, a roof over our head, warm blankets, clean water, great families, and the list goes on.
So we continue waiting on God's timing in our job search. Accepting that we have no control over the outcome and praying completely for His strength in our thoughts and actions to let go.

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