Thursday, July 14, 2011

Happy Medium...

I process things very particularly...I don't get stressed easy and when I finally reach my breaking point I'm a sobbing, ugly cry face mess and poor Tyler is left wondering WHAT THE HECK?! These last few months have been rough, but good. Challenging and stretching us Tyler Z's into who He needs us to be to accomplish whatever it is we are supposed to accomplish. Which brings me to a very interesting self discovery in the last couple weeks and that is I don't want to appear as if I "have it all together", I just want to "keep it all together". There's nothing more obnoxious than people who pretend their poo don't stink and it doesn't help anyone out if someone can't discuss their struggles. I've never been one to really care what people think about me, there are times where a false impression yields its way to some hurt feelings but overall "having it all together" is not on my list of top priorities. It would be exhausting I'm assuming. Then again I set a very unrealistic expectation on myself and that is..."keeping it together". Not letting others see my hurt, or confusion or my tears. Not because of what people would think about me, but because of what I think of myself. It's a challenge I give myself and I'm beginning to realize it's sorta detrimental! With all the emotions we've faced over the last few months there have been times where my mantra has been, "Don't cry Kari, just move forward. It's not worth it." I don't have any fantastic conclusion on this right now, it's still something I'm working through and hopefully on the other side things will make a little more sense and I won't continually be the master of emotionally stunting myself. The good thing is, I love my friends up here. NONE of them pretend, none of them care about the way they look or behave in front of me and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Meanwhile in our transition, I'm enjoying the time I have with them...getting reacquainted and everyone of us talking about our proverbial "smelly poo".

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