Saturday, February 26, 2011


First I'll start with the fact that the last couple months have been a little hard for me, patience wise. We brought Emery home on October 1st, and I always thought by now things would have been finalized and all of that would be behind us. I'll also be honest and say when I want something, I want it now and I don't like waiting especially as it relates to something important. I tend to hover and constantly ask for updates and wonder what the heck is taking so long!!! At first when a couple months went by and we didn't hear anything Fab Social Worker just said that the attorney was being very careful to make sure all paperwork was done properly because FM is a minor and in state custody foster care. Ok that's fine. Ok I can deal with that. Ok as long as things are moving along them I'm ok. Then another month passes and still nothing. It's at this point where the hovering begins...and I'm not getting the answers I want. Fast forward to about a month ago when Fab Social Worker came for a visit and she informs me that our current attorney who was doing the TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) dropped the ball on a piece of paperwork and never let anyone know! We decided to switch the case to another county/attorney and things are finally crack-a-lackin. I actually spoke with the attorney this past Wednesday and he said "Well the TPR hearing is this Friday, so after that we wait a mandatory 30 days and then schedule a court date for finalization". I couldn't believe it! Finally after all this waiting things were moving! The TPR hearing went great and everything is a go now! In 30 days our girl will legally be OURS! No more old name confusion with insurance/doctors, no more little teeny voice in the back of my head worrying about the worst, no more dreams about her being taken away from more has never made me so happy. I'm loving it. Once it's done I'm throwing a big party!!!!! Why? Because my amazing little piece of heaven deserves a celebration where friends and family surround her with love and hugs and happiness. It's something I've never been more happy to provide for her.
In the hustle and bustle of paperwork filing and this whole wacko attorney switching a really cool thing happened. We didn't have all the money saved for the attorney...probably only about $400 shy of being able to pull it off, and when all this attorney switching happened we discovered the one we switched to was $1000 and the one we left was $1500. God is good. God is always good. God has shown himself to us through this ENTIRE situation and sometimes I don't give him enough credit. Not that He's desperate for it but what He did for us on October 1st was nothing short of a miracle. He provided an adoption that was tailored completely for our saving's the last...penny. Leaving us wanting nothing. It's easy to remember to what God does for us when it's making life easier. It's harder to recognize His provision when we're going through hard times or being asked to wait like we were last year at this time. I need to get better at thanking Him through whatever circumstances and not just in the ones where He gives me what I want.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Sometimes I think about the time I missed...

There have been a few times in the last few weeks where I think a lot about the time I missed with her. Little girl is coming up on 9 months old and I can't believe it, as of right now we've had her more than we haven't had her but still I would have liked to know her as a newborn. I couldn't even imagine the sweetness. I wonder what she looked like all curled up in a little newborn ball...probably like heaven. She's heaven now so I can't imagine heaven as a squirmy and soft with a smell that's to die for. Being able to compare her personality and advancements.
I would imagine that once things are finalized with the adoption I'll be a little more gutsy about the information I want from FM. I want to know if she has any photos of her as a newborn, I want to know what the birth fathers name and ethnicity is too. For now, I'll stay silent my questions waiting to be answered until she is legally and officially ours. I'm a little weird about that.
I mentioned in a previous post that I encounter people with testicular fortitude who have said ignorant things like..."I bet you're glad you missed out on the whole waking up every two hours newborn thing?" or "Hey you had it easy not having to deal with a newborn". Ummmm actually I'm not glad that I missed out on it and something tells me that you wouldn't trade your time with your brand new baby for the world. Sleep deprivation and adjustment comes with the territory of being a new mom whether you have a newborn, four month old or a four year old. Oh what I would pay to have my thoughts be read by people when they're talking to me about these things.
Last night when I arrived home from work she had given Tyler a little bit of a run for his money (he's very schedule oriented and she was not following the schedule, and it was a new schedule) so I decided to finish up the bedtime ritual of Goodnight Moon and some quiet time. When I laid her down in bed I told her I loved her and then ran my fingers along her soft little face and she smiled at me through her pacifier. These moments are the ones I live for. The ones I hope to remember at times when she's really pissing me off. The ones that I can share with her when she's older. She'll always be the one who made me a mama.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Testicular Fortitude...

That is my polite way of saying...well, never mind. So, believe it or not in the beginning other than strange looks and longer than normal "glances" I never really had anyone say anything to me directly that wasn't completely warranted. People at work who knew me forever without a child and then all of a sudden I'm on "maternity" leave and have a four month old asked the obvious questions but nothing super nosey. Two Saturdays ago we were out to breakfast and I had a gentleman stop at the table..."Oh my she is so cute."...Me: "Thanks!"...Guy: "Is she adopted?" Me: "Yes"...Guy: "Where is she from? Haiti?". Me: "Nope, she's local...born in West Palm Beach". Guy: "Well it's really a great thing that you did, there are plenty of kids that need good homes, that's a really great thing that you did". Me: "Well thanks". This particular interaction was definitely not offensive, it's normal curiosity really I just would never EVER ask a perfect stranger those questions. That same day I had another lady say something very similar, two times in one day! That's never happened before. One time my sister had Emery with her in Joann's Fabric and a little old lady teetered up and peered in the car carrier exclaiming..."This baby doesn't belong to you!". Nice. Today I was at Babies 'R Us stocking up on things I really don't need and as I was checking out the cashier was oooogling and goooogling with Emery and asked..."Is this your baby?", to which I replied "Yep!". As I was walking to the car I thought to myself, I know this will always be something I have to deal with, I take that back because "dealing" gives a negative spin on it and that's not what I want, it'll always be something I have to respond to. Whether I like it or not.
I will say this. Next time you think to yourself, perhaps I should ask this lady if this is her child, maybe you should just take one for the team and zip it. Zip that testicular fortitude right up, and instead focus on the beauty that is a blended family, and why it's not important at all whether you know if I'm the mother or not.