Thursday, August 26, 2010

Can't have it all...yet

So, I received an email from fab social worker last week. She was just checking in, touching base to see if we were still interested in going this domestic adoption route. Wondering if any of our grants and loans came through, seeing if we had moved yet or if either of us had switched jobs recently. The answers, yes we are still interested, none of the grants and loans came through, yes we've moved, and our jobs are still the same BUT...how does all this fit together with Fostering? That is the big question...and here was her answer...


With regards to fostering and domestic adoption, although we look at each case separately, as a general rule, we don’t mix the two. The reason for this is, the wellbeing of the newborn being adopted has to be our #1 priority. Unfortunately, children in the foster care system are there due to abuse and/or neglect, and they usually have traumatic histories. Because of the trauma they have endured, some of them can have behavioral and aggression issues which could pose a threat to a baby’s wellbeing. I actually worked in the field of abuse and neglect is several different capacities before I came to adoptions, and I have seen first hand the damage that is done to these poor little children before they are removed from their parents/caregivers and put into foster care. For example, if children have been sexually abused, they sometimes become perpetrators of sexual abuse on children younger than them. They also can have anger issues and strike out at anyone, including an infant. It’s difficult to know what issues foster children might bring with them, and how that will effect their behavior towards others. Abandonment issues could cause them to be very jealous of a new baby as well. So that is why we generally don’t mix the two.

So, we're at a crossroads in this process. I had an inkling that this may be the case which is probably why I avoided emailing her at the start of our classes. I always go back and forth between do I want to give up the domestic adoption path or don't I? I never imagined that raising funds would have been this slow and impossible...I never imagined that I would be so passionate about fostering. So we pray...and ask...and think...and talk...about what to do next.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

To my future babies...

I think about you often, whoever you are. I think about the situations you might be going through right now and the confusion you are undoubtedly experiencing. I dream about your hugs and kisses, your laughs, smiles...but I dread your tears, hurt, rejection, emotional and physical pain. I dread it because I can't fix it. I can only alleviate it, or try to at least. I dread it because I'll love you in your own special way and even though we'll have just met my mama bear instincts will want to protect you from that pain continuing. I'll try my hardest to help you make new memories, good ones that won't be able to replace the bad but we'll make enough to outnumber them. You may never call me mom, you may never actually legally be my child but you'll remember me. Your "Kari" even if it was just for a little bit. I'll certainly remember you.

Monday, August 9, 2010

My search for "everything"...

I've started my search for clothes of all shapes and sizes to prepare us for our future foster placements since we don't have anything. Craig's List is a great place to find lots of clothes for cheap AND tonight Target had quite a bit of summer stuff that was on clearance too so I snatched it up! We also will be in need of a twin size bed, and a toddler bed too. I already have a crib so that's not a worry. I also am not entirely sure how I should decorate the room...obviously gender neutral and definitely kid like. I don't want them walking in the room and not have it be completely fun! Lots to prepare for and lots to be excited about!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Bittersweet & what's next...

So what's next for us? We have to go through the licensing process. Unfortunately because of our weirdo July-no house-live with someone else transition we could not get a jump start on any of that. We have to do another home study also, and I'm not entirely sure what that means for us since we've already done one so we'll have to see. Once our home is licensed and our home study is completed we simply wait for a phone call for our first placement!
I have connected more with the other 10 people (12 including instructors) in this class than I have with other relationships that I currently have. They get it. They know why Tyler and I are doing this, they support us, they're excited for us, we're excited for them.
I know that I've touched on this a little in previous posts but I'd just like to reiterate how much I learned about myself through these foster parent classes. I've learned that I know nothing about what I'm going to be doing and that's ok. I've learned that I have a lot of love to give these children and they may not reciprocate it right away or ever and I'm ok with that heartache. I've learned that I can't imagine my life without taking these classes, without knowing these people, and learning from our amazing teachers.


Monday, August 2, 2010

Where the crap did July go...

We had an interesting July...and I'm telling you it felt like it passed in only a couple of days. On June 30th we moved out of a place we called home for two years, and I'll seriously miss it and the memories we made there were irreplaceable. We had to ship our dog babies off because the couple of different places we were staying at wouldn't allow for animals. Guster stayed with my sister Kelly and her hubby and their two canine boys Wrigley and Jackson. Rowdy stayed with my other sister Michelle and her hubs Chris and the joke is that he, in fact, went to fat camp. He had packed on the pounds this fall after we brought Gus home and since Michelle had recently rehabilitated her grossly overweight pug, Molly, it seemed to be a great fit. We stayed the duration at our friends Fran and Ron's house. They were wildly gracious hosts and it certainly didn't hurt that Franny went to culinary school which in turn provided us with some flipping fantastic 4th of July cake with homemade whipped cream icing...among other delights. So to recap in the month of July...
We moved four times, flew two times, drove through three states, saw a bear on multiple occasions, a black panther (the actual animal NOT the group) and trained a new girl at work in two weeks so I could go on my vacation worry free.
This Wednesday we will finish our last foster parent class. It makes me sad...I seriously will miss these people and the passion that we share. I'm making Chicken 'n Dumplings which I'm expecting to turn out perfectly (heheee). Last weeks class Anna (our teacher) told us she wouldn't be here for the last one. It made me super sad because I'm a closure kind of girl, and I like to mentally prepare myself for things like that. I would have gotten her a card, a treat, or something but no she told us as we were walking out...I know it won't be the last that I see of her. We have to schedule a few meetings and such in order to finalize some things but I'm a weirdo...I thought I had mentioned that before?
Goodbye July 2010...if you were this wild and crazy I can't even imagine what July 2011 will look like...