Wednesday, December 15, 2010

My heart and arms are happy...

"For you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow."
-Rosemonde Gerard
This little girl. She has really done a number on us. People always told me that they were amazed at how much love they could feel for another person, other than their spouse. They would tell me I'd be overwhelmed because it just grows every day more and more. They would be right. I feel like each day with her is a new adventure, like I get to plan out our escapades together even if it's just a trip to the grocery or the bank. We are exploring this new world of mother and daughter together and I love it. Yes it's more work to lug around a huge carrier or whip out the stroller because the store we're visiting doesn't have carts....but I just plain don't care. I go to bed thinking about her, I wake in the night thinking about her, I wake in the morning thinking about her, in between calls and clients at work, on my way home...I just can't help it. She has taught me so much about myself, about how capable I really am of this mother thing. I doubted myself a lot in the beginning, which surprised me and probably some close to me too. I've always been good with kids, worked in the nursery at church, babysat, nannied, worked at a preschool, I have A LOT of experience but when it came time to bring her home and take full responsibility for her 24 hours a day....I discovered that I didn't really know that much at all. I questioned everything I thought was right, I worried about her nutrition, her developmental milestones...etc. Until my mom said to me one night on the phone..."Kari, just trust yourself. Trust that you know what you're doing...use the knowledge that you know you have and make it work for you." I remember sitting on the couch with my mom and dad two days after we brought Emery home, and just crying. Everything was changing so quickly and I was powerless to stop it. Over the last two and half months she has been the most patient baby with the two of us and I love it.
Tonight, at work, I told HER story again. You know, the unbelievable story of how she came to us? The most magnificent five day ride EVER. It had been a while since I was able to share it and I found myself getting emotional reliving the details with a woman who knew me as a child and now knows me as a mother. She's ours. All ours. These arms of mine are filled with the most precious little brown baby ever, and my heart is happy with the love of the most precious little brown baby ever.

1 comment:

  1. It is amazing--your story, our God, the way He gives us such love for our little ones--just amazing. I always love reading your thoughts, Kari. I teared up again this time. Thanks for sharing! :)