Sunday, December 5, 2010

I'm just a little nervous...

I've been dreading this day for a few weeks now. Tomorrow is our first visit with FM since we took Emery home, and I just don't know how it's going to go. It's not that I'm afraid she can take her back, because she really can't. It's not that I'm afraid we'll get into arguments over her care or anything. It's just...truthfully...if I'm keeping in time with the entire essence of my blog (unedited honesty)...I'm afraid I'll be jealous. Like I'm the new girlfriend going to a party where I know the old girlfriend will be. I'm afraid I'll be satisfied if Emery cries and wants me to hold her. It's not right, this I know, but there's little I can do to stop it! On the other hand, I hope she isn't so cranky that FM feels like she didn't really get to spend time enough time with her because I'm sure she has high hopes for what tomorrow holds. It'll be good though. The benefits of this weird arrangement far outweigh my incessant need to worry about every little thing. When she's older she'll thank me...she'll respect me for it, she'll respect FM for it. I've talked to many adoptees who were very thankful for their open adoptions because it allowed them to have many of their questions answered almost immediately. I'll do it for her! I'll do anything for her...

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