I love the new "us". We're exhausted, we talk about poop but just like with the old "us" we make a great team. Also, Emery, is fantastic. She smiles all the time, she's talking like a crazy person and she has the most adorable facial expressions. Her sleep schedule is pretty average and she smells absolutely fantastic. SO, all of this to say. I'm not crazy for being sad that the old "us" is gone, and one of these days we'll be alone in our house again missing the other "us".
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
What most new mom's don't talk about...
I'm telling you, when we brought her home it was so weird. When we were driving the almost three hours home and she slept the entire way it as like she didn't exist. When we brought her into our house and went to bed that night it was like I was babysitting. When I woke up in the morning on Saturday and she was still there that's when I started panicking. What's this going to be like? What if she is a horribly needy fussy child? What if I don't "connect" with her like I need to. What if I get bored with her and need a break? What if I want to "return" her? How can I be thinking these things??? She's an answer to prayer, direct prayer and a year of waiting. I can't be thinking these things. Why doesn't anyone talk about this? Does this only happen to people who adopt? I mean don't get me wrong everyone talks about not being prepared for sleepless nights, eating dinners cold, snot and puke everywhere, being peed on, and not being able to go to the bathroom without being interrupted but no one talks about the true fears of things changing. This was pure unadulterated anxiety. I truly mourned the loss of my "old" life. I cried for the first two days. Does this make me selfish? Uh no. This makes me normal. I've been married to Tyler for 8 1/2 years and I've pretty much been able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I was sad that we wouldn't be able to spend the same kind of time together without more planning involved. I love my husband, and I love spending time with him. We truly are each others best friends and I was really worried how this was going to change "us". The new "us" was going to take some getting used to...but here's the cool thing.