Wednesday, October 6, 2010

What most new mom's don't talk about...

I'm telling you, when we brought her home it was so weird. When we were driving the almost three hours home and she slept the entire way it as like she didn't exist. When we brought her into our house and went to bed that night it was like I was babysitting. When I woke up in the morning on Saturday and she was still there that's when I started panicking. What's this going to be like? What if she is a horribly needy fussy child? What if I don't "connect" with her like I need to. What if I get bored with her and need a break? What if I want to "return" her? How can I be thinking these things??? She's an answer to prayer, direct prayer and a year of waiting. I can't be thinking these things. Why doesn't anyone talk about this? Does this only happen to people who adopt? I mean don't get me wrong everyone talks about not being prepared for sleepless nights, eating dinners cold, snot and puke everywhere, being peed on, and not being able to go to the bathroom without being interrupted but no one talks about the true fears of things changing. This was pure unadulterated anxiety. I truly mourned the loss of my "old" life. I cried for the first two days. Does this make me selfish? Uh no. This makes me normal. I've been married to Tyler for 8 1/2 years and I've pretty much been able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I was sad that we wouldn't be able to spend the same kind of time together without more planning involved. I love my husband, and I love spending time with him. We truly are each others best friends and I was really worried how this was going to change "us". The new "us" was going to take some getting used to...but here's the cool thing.
I love the new "us". We're exhausted, we talk about poop but just like with the old "us" we make a great team. Also, Emery, is fantastic. She smiles all the time, she's talking like a crazy person and she has the most adorable facial expressions. Her sleep schedule is pretty average and she smells absolutely fantastic. SO, all of this to say. I'm not crazy for being sad that the old "us" is gone, and one of these days we'll be alone in our house again missing the other "us".

3 comments:

  1. Totally normal. I still think some of those thoughts after 8 years of being a mom. There are days I think "what did I do?' or "I don't want to be this mom thing." But then they smile at you, or your heart breaks when they are treated badly, or they write you a note telling you that you are the best mommy ever.... and you know all the sacrifice is exactly what you want.

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  2. Oh man...you're so right. I've been thinking lately, as the birth of #3 approaches, "What were we thinking? We've got two kids who are out of diapers, can feed themselves, and sleep through the night. Why would we want to start over with a newborn?" and "we can drop them off at anyone's house and they'll play together for several hours without causing anyone too much trouble...that's all going to change..." But reality is it's worth all the work, so we try not to mention those thoughts out loud...and I think we feel a little guilty for even thinking them--even though they're normal and honest. Anyway...thanks for sharing!! :)

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  3. I love how you put these feelings. I can totally identify with these feelings too. The range of emotions I feel in one day of being a mother is amazing. Thanks for sharing!

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