Monday, September 27, 2010

I hate this, I love this... started like any other fabulous day off. Slept in, had a few things on my plate that needed finished but overall it was meant to be a pretty chill day. Until. I received an email from our old fab social worker, Jan. Two and half month old little girl, African American, parents are VERY young and in foster care, baby is in foster home. She thought of us, how badly she wants to place a child with us and wanted to let us know that they were going to be using special needs pricing for this adoption even though she's perfectly healthy, because she's african american and not a newborn they were having a hard time placing her. Through a series of emails it all boiled down to this...$3625.00 (instead of $12,900) not including legal fees ($1500) and she's ours if the birth "parents" like us. I seriously couldn't believe it, this really couldn't be happening. What are the odds???? After we'd decided that fostering was for us and that we were completely discounting domestic adoption any longer and this happens. So we said yes, please consider us and Jan said she had to make a phone call to the caseworker and she'd get back to me ASAP with details. Long story short, the foster parents who had the little girl from the beginning want to adopt her...after they said they didn't want to adopt her because they weren't comfortable having an open adoption. They changed their minds. Suck. Being on the receiving end of someone changing their mind really seriously bites. We aren't out of the running completely...Jan still wants to send our file over to the other case worker and have her present it to the birth parents. There is smidge...and itty bitt little speck of "maybe" involved in this right now. What about our file would cause these two very young teenagers to choose us and not the people who have already cared for this little girl for two and a half months? Probably nothing.

I hate this...because I hate having my heart broken. I hate getting my hopes up. I hate dreaming about holding and loving a child I've never met. I hate the uncertainty, and the miscommunication.


I love this...because I love that a child will have a home with someone who deserves to know them. I love that a forever family will be formed. I love that one day I'll be on the receiving end of this wild ride whether through fostering, domestic, or international adoption. I love that it makes me thankful for my family and the fact that my parents made a decision to keep me and love me. The loves outweigh the hates, it's just the hates that hurt the most.


  1. are both wonderful people...I can't wait till a little one comes your will be great parents:)- Jules

  2. I love your perspective in all this. God has the right child and He will bring him/her to you in just His right time. Keep that joy in your heart :)

  3. Wow, Kari. Still praying for you guys. What a crazy ride. Can't wait for the rest of His story to unfold.