Thursday, August 26, 2010

Can't have it all...yet

So, I received an email from fab social worker last week. She was just checking in, touching base to see if we were still interested in going this domestic adoption route. Wondering if any of our grants and loans came through, seeing if we had moved yet or if either of us had switched jobs recently. The answers, yes we are still interested, none of the grants and loans came through, yes we've moved, and our jobs are still the same BUT...how does all this fit together with Fostering? That is the big question...and here was her answer...


With regards to fostering and domestic adoption, although we look at each case separately, as a general rule, we don’t mix the two. The reason for this is, the wellbeing of the newborn being adopted has to be our #1 priority. Unfortunately, children in the foster care system are there due to abuse and/or neglect, and they usually have traumatic histories. Because of the trauma they have endured, some of them can have behavioral and aggression issues which could pose a threat to a baby’s wellbeing. I actually worked in the field of abuse and neglect is several different capacities before I came to adoptions, and I have seen first hand the damage that is done to these poor little children before they are removed from their parents/caregivers and put into foster care. For example, if children have been sexually abused, they sometimes become perpetrators of sexual abuse on children younger than them. They also can have anger issues and strike out at anyone, including an infant. It’s difficult to know what issues foster children might bring with them, and how that will effect their behavior towards others. Abandonment issues could cause them to be very jealous of a new baby as well. So that is why we generally don’t mix the two.

So, we're at a crossroads in this process. I had an inkling that this may be the case which is probably why I avoided emailing her at the start of our classes. I always go back and forth between do I want to give up the domestic adoption path or don't I? I never imagined that raising funds would have been this slow and impossible...I never imagined that I would be so passionate about fostering. So we pray...and ask...and think...and talk...about what to do next.

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