Wednesday, May 12, 2010

What if...

Since we've turned a corner with foster adopting of course I've done some research and tried to feed my brain with all the necessary (sometimes unnecessary) information. I've already had two people reach out to me to chat about their experience with foster parenting and adopting. There is such community with this, it's so encouraging. Everyone wants to discuss their experiences and trials and offer their advice, which I love. I never understand why people shy away from listening to advice. They should be flattered that someone used their breath and time to try and help them out. I have a lot of questions...and a lot of concerns, which I also had when we started out with adoption at first, these are just different.
What if I'm ill equipped to care for a child with some pretty severe emotional issues? What if we don't connect with our foster child? What if they don't connect with us? What if our friends and family don't support us? What if I fall completely in love and they go back to their first family? I should be happy about that right? Them reconciling and living a life accepted by the very people who helped create them. I know I mentioned before about childbirth and adoption being "risky" but why don't I just admit it? There's a risk when you get into your car and drive to work but there's a whole lot more risk putting a harness and a parachute on and jumping out of an airplane!
So here's what I'm thinking in response to those what ifs...
I'm married to someone who has their masters degree in counseling, and who has worked with children before who have been in foster care situations. He will teach me what I need to know and help me recognize my strengths in these situations.
Connections like these take time, we'll face the facts when or if it happens, but I'll have to be understanding towards any setbacks we may have.
I can't take it personally, I have to do what is in the best interest of that child (and maybe buy them candy, just kidding.)
Not everyone supported our decision to adopt, and not everyone will support our decision to foster adopt. We are doing what we feel is what God wants for our family, and to us nothing else matters. How many things does someone do in a lifetime where they are actually supported 100%? Exactly.
I will undoubtedly have a broken heart. I will take solace in the fact that I showed one little person enough love in a short amount of time, that if they ever find themselves in a deficit they will think back on the time with us and pull from that. I will take comfort in knowing they won't forget us.
I'm not going to lie. I'll be skeptical that the change the parents made isn't genuine, I will want to check up on them and make sure they are safe, but eventually after the success of the situation I will, of course, be happy that they could make it work for the sake of their child.
For you, future child, whether you're 2, 9, or 15 I'm willing to open my arms and my heart to YOU. Whether you love me back or not. Without condition.


P.s.
We are also continuing to raise money for our domestic adoption, we can do both!

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