Sunday, May 9, 2010

Nagging thoughts...

I know there has been a few times when I blog a good tangent or two, most of them have to deal with the unfair hands that children are dealt, whether its being born to a drug addict mother who loves her addiction too much to change herself to care for her child, or all of the orphaned children in Haiti, or in the world for that matter, and don't even get me started again on the children whose parents contract AIDS and have to give them away because they're going to die, and most certainly don't forget about the ones who can't have clean water so they die from contamination...what a stupid completely easy problem to fix. (yes I know that was a run on sentence). I just can't get "those" kinds of kids out of my brain...not even for a little bit. I think about my future family, mine and Tyler's future family for that matter, and it's just not conventional. I used to struggle with that, but in the last year I've come to accept the fact that our family will be different than most. Our children will be different ages, from different countries, different mothers, different colors, just different. In the beginning of this whole process we wanted to be as "conventional" as possible, adoption isn't conventional in the first place but you get what I'm saying. Pick a country. Pick an agency. Have them pick a child for us. Bring them home. Adjust. Love. Foster adoption has always been on my brain. I know people who have done it for a long time and who have managed to help children get through their adolescence with some sort of family in tact. I've known foster children, I've read about foster children, seen movies about foster children but I still wanted "conventional". For my sake. As a new mom, I wanted to try and get a little experience with it before I got all "unconventional". As it turns out, God wants us to be a little, nay a lot, more unconventional than we originally had intended. We are seriously considering foster adoption as our first ever means of being parents. We went to a meeting on Saturday night and had a lot of questions answered. They had pictures up of children who were available and I wanted to snatch them all, even if they were teenagers which most of them were. We realize people may think we're weird or that maybe we haven't thought this through. There may be family members who won't connect on levels that we'd like them to, or coworkers who probably think I've lost my marbles. What can I say? Deal with it. It's who we are as the Zielasko's, it's what we want for us right now, and what God wants for us right now. Yes there are risks, much bigger risks than any other kind of adoption BUT we all know how I feel about that .
Here's the truth as I know it. Every type of adoption is necessary, whether it's bringing a child from another country because their living conditions are horrifying, or adopting a child from a teenage mother, or recognizing the need a child has for some stability because their mother loves drugs and her abusive boyfriend more than them...they need me. They need my boring routines in life...my tucking them in at night...my pancakes I'd make them for breakfast...my Candy Land game playing...my understanding that they won't love me just the same as they love their bio family...my promise to be the best and maybe only parent they'd know their whole life...they need us, badly, and I've finally come to realize that I need them just as much.

Colossians 1:11 "We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy".

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