Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Stranger baby...

It occurred to me this afternoon, as I was self medicating with shopping at Babies R Us, that I sometimes feel like I'm buying stuff for someone else's baby. Sometimes when I get frustrated or sad or when that longing feeling overwhelms me I'll buy something baby related. Even if it's something really little like a pacifier or a gender neutral onesie, anything to remind me that this process will have an end result. When I walk in I feel like there's an arrow pointing at me saying, she's buying off a baby registry this purchase isn't for her. It's my own issue, this I know. It's different when your belly isn't growing, you aren't puking, your boobs aren't hurting, you can't feel them move inside you to remind you they are almost here. Fab social worker emailed me today, she said that the situation with little girl is still really iffy and there is a very big chance that the mother won't decide to place the child until she is born. Because it's so tentative her supervisor is pushing her towards finding a family in case the mother decides to place...she needs an answer. Asap. I hate asap. It's stupid, it's insensitive, it's impatient. Doesn't asap realize that I would love nothing more than to say, hey asap TAKE THIS...YES WE CAN TAKE HER! You're not the boss of me. What now asap? The ridiculous time constraint you represent doesn't scare me one bit. Sadly right now asap is the boss of me. So, if any of you find yourself with an extra twelve grand that you can't manage to spend yourself, by all means call me. asap.

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