Monday, March 1, 2010

I may have said this before...

Every once in a while I really spend more time than my usual ADHD brain allows on how much heartbreak my child will go through in life...more than the other children who stay with their first mom's. I absolutely will not allow them to wallow in a defeatist attitude but I will most certainly love, comfort and hear them on their blue days, those days where they are thinking a lot about their first mom and wondering why she couldn't keep them. I am terrified about not being able to relate to the loss that they will have their whole life. I wonder at what age will their brain comprehend what being "adopted" actually means? This is why it's ideal that children are born to parents who intend on keeping them forever and ever. Now I know that every single situation is very different from the next, but abandonment no matter how it happens, it just plain sucks. I know I've written before about my admiration for birth mother's that carry a baby full term knowing that they will give their baby up for adoption, and I'm being 100% honest when I say I don't care what their "situation" is. I don't care if it's their 1st or 10th pregnancy. I don't care if they're 16 or 40. They still carried a child in their belly instead of terminating the pregnancy. They still went through an entire labor and delivery and post delivery healing. They are heroes. Agree with me or not, that is what they are and always will be to me. To my future child's first mama...I will have more admiration for you than you think you deserve. I will thank you every day for following through with your decision to let me be your child's second mom. I will speak good things of you always, and think good thoughts of you always, even when our child is lost in hurt, they will know you like I do, even if it was for just a moment...their first mom and my hero.


  1. You are an amazing person my sweet sister...and a fantastic writer of your thoughts.