Can’t sleep. Again. Perused the usual websites, read the usual blogs, now I’m left to my own daydreaming devices. I’m just laying here thinking lots of things, mainly baby, and it’s so surreal to me that I’ll eventually be a mother. That one human (for now) will rely on me for vomit, snot and poo clean up, discipline, homework, advice, friendship, and support. That in the beginning they’ll think I’m silly and funny and full of great ideas, and then the midway through I’ll be the biggest geek ever and they will roll their eyes at me, argue with me, not understand me, and think I don’t understand them. In which time, I’ll be cleaning up broken hearts, their laundry, their bathroom, their dishes and probably will understand them better during this time than when they were pooping their own pants. Oh well. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that those years will be the hardest probably, and that they’ll come out of it with as much love for me as I have for my own mother now as a twenty something. And that when I’m gone they’ll think of me fondly and hopefully miss me, maybe even drive their offspring crazy.
To my mother: I didn’t mean it when I was in middle school and high school and treated you badly, I knew you were just trying to help but I wanted to be right all the time. You are, always have been, always will be the coolest lady I know.