Tuesday, January 19, 2010

She changed her mind...

Today started out like any normal Tuesday. Got up early, did my morning routine, up until about 10 minutes prior to me walking out the door, Tuesday was normal. My cell rang and it was a coworker calling me, which wasn’t entirely odd because sometimes they call me to call in sick or check their schedule because I have a cursed mind like a steel trap. Then she asked me a strange question... “Kari, what does your agency do if you know someone who wants to give their baby up for adoption?” To which I responded... “Uhhhh I actually have no idea, why?” Well turns out her niece had a baby boy yesterday afternoon and she wanted to give him up for adoption! GREAT NEWS! We started the ball rolling with fab social worker, worked out a lot of little kinks, and by 5:00 pm we were on our way to the hospital to meet with the birth mom to see if she had questions for us before she gave her baby away. Fab social worker wouldn’t be here until morning, to have the birth mom fill out a ton of paperwork. We met her, she looked tired and already has two children under the age of three, and most certainly couldn’t be over the age of 23....we held him, there was polite dialogue and then we left.

Two hours later we find ourselves at Target, totally unprepared for being parents in less than 24 hours. We spent an hour in the same five aisles. Which diapers do we get, what kind of wipes, wow formula is expensive, oh my gosh the poor kid doesn’t have any clothes, shoot what are we going to bathe him in. $140 later and we were walking out to the car...did I mention we picked his name out while we were shopping too? Silas James. Then my phone rings, fab social worker, she drops the bomb. “Kari, bad news. She changed her mind. She doesn’t want to go through with it and she wants me to tell you she’s really sorry.” Total silence on my end which resulted in Tyler staring at me making gestures to find out what the world was happening. She wants to make sure I’m ok, do I want to talk about it, do I have any questions...she’s so sorry. I am non emotional with people I don’t know very well or have never cried in front of, and I’m OVERLY emotional with my family and Tyler. She probably thought I was a bitch because I didn’t cry or scream and fall to the ground, I was just overwhelmed and suffering the loss of a love that I had only known of for 12 hours and seen for 25 minutes.

Did I mention he’s gorgeous? Tiny little features, little bit of black hair...soft skin, smelled delicious. He fit in our arms perfectly, like he belonged, like he was made for them, for us only. He’ll go home with his real mom tomorrow, because turns out he was made for her arms instead. Silly me.

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