Monday, November 2, 2009

I wonder...

I had a fantastic weekend with my bestie Leanne! She flew in on Friday afternoon and was outta here early this morning and while it was a short was a great visit. She is a very insightful human and full of great stories and advice. She is also one of my only friends that does NOT have any babies yet so that makes for a little more freedom on her end. We carved pumpkins, ate great food, watched ridiculous reality television and talked a lot. It’s always so great to to have someone visit you that represents a different time in your life!

Today seemed like a huge waste of time but it actually was strangely productive. We finished our online courses needed for our home study, drafted our support letter (it’s weird to actually see the costs written down and totaled...YOWZA), finalized some things in regards to our upcoming garage sale (more details soon!), and just overall relaxed.

Still super pumped about our final home study meeting. Now I have to go to the store and purchase outlet covers and cabinet locks. That’s going to be super surreal, and in my mind I’m still buying them for someone else’s child. It will probably be that way for me until we get our referral, I won’t be able to visualize I don’t think. For a mom that’s pregnant they’re sick, or craving weird things...their belly is getting bigger, the baby kicks and they may even know the sex of the child but with me so far I can buy as many things that say I am in fact going to be a mom soon but until I see that tiny little face it won’t be real to me. Until I can read their file, and maybe even watch a will be hard for me to visualize what he/she will look like. I’M DYING TO SEE THEM...I’M DYING TO MEET THEM....I’m dying to hold them, soothe them, provide for them. I feel like I can’t get things done fast enough to get me to that point. If money were no object that baby would be in my arms in no time. It’s strange to know that our child is probably alive right now, living somewhere else. I wonder a lot.

Psalm 57:9-11 “Lord, I will praise you among the nations;
I will sing songs of praise about you to all the nations. Your great love reaches to the skies,your truth to the clouds. God, you are supreme above the skies.Let your glory be over all the earth.”

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